I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
