cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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