What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
