If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
