East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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