i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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