You can't special order awesome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
