the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
