I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
