And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize