I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
