I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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