I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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