hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
someone owes me an orgasm
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wear drunk well.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
