This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
