Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
