evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
