I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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