Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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