TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
