You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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