just tell him i said nine months
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
