he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize