I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
