i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
