I wanna bring you to show and tell
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just cropdusted the office
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
