Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
