carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
