I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
