the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You smell like stripper and shame
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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