In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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