I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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