idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize