If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
