he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
