Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
