i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize