I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
