He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize