This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
