Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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