i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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