I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
