Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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