There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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