I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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