i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Come see our sink grown plant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
