I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
