when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
