Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
