i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
