I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
