Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
