We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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