I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
