at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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