I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
