Pappa wants mamma naked
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
