I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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