My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
