wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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