Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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