There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
