You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
