So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
