she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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