Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
