Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
