if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
